Not sure how to start this story, so let's jump right in.
A modern-day piracy story for the ages!
The two men are 21-year-old Gavin Rivers Weisenburg of Allen, and 20-year-old Tanner Christopher Thomas of Argyle.
You'll never believe the lengths they went to, according to the FBI, to enact this invasion as pirates of the Caribbean:
Weisenburg and Thomas undertook numerous overt acts in furtherance of their invasion plan, including making operational and logistical plans, learning Haitian Creole language, recruiting others to join the invasion plan, and researching and enrolling in schools to acquire skills relevant to the invasion plan. Thomas even enlisted in the U.S. Air Force to acquire military skills relevant to the invasion plan.
That's not all. Thomas requested a transfer to Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland, where he would be close to D.C.
Why, you ask? Were they planning to commandeer a ship??
No, for recruitment purposes, of course!
The men apparently planned to recruit an invasion force among the homeless population in D.C.
After this, they planned on getting sailboats and setting off to conquer an island of nearly 100,000 people, capitalizing on the current (and ongoing) chaos in the failed nation of Haiti.
Once there, the plan was to kill all the men and turn the women into sex slaves.
...between August 2024 and July 2025, Weisenburg and Thomas are alleged to have conspired to recruit and lead an unlawful expeditionary force to the Island of Gonave, which is part of the Republic of Haiti, for the purpose of carrying out their rape fantasies. \Weisenburg and Thomas planned to purchase a sailboat, firearms, and ammunition, then recruit members of the District of Columbia-area homeless population to serve as a mercenary force as they invaded Gonave Island and staged a coup d'etat. Weisenburg and Thomas intended to murder all of the men on the island so that they could then turn all of the women and children into their sex slaves.
So in summary, these two lads, with a bit of training from the Air Force, thought they could sail on little boats with an army of D.C. crack addicts (anyone have eyes on Hunter?) and conquer an island of a hundred thousand people.
They were then, somehow, going to have enough ammo to kill tens of thousands of men so they could pillage and rape their way across the island.
How they planned to do that without getting shot in the back by one of the addicts, canoed by one of the Haitian gangs' AK-47s, or dying from dysentery is beyond me.
It sounds like the dumbest plan in history, and yet ... the Danes managed to spend several hundred years sailing on boats to pillage and rape my Anglo-Saxon ancestors, and consequently I'm now related to some of those Danes as a result!
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