Insiders report Vice President Vance is working on an edgy new novel about his recent visit to the late Pope Francis titled, "If I Did It." In the book, the Vice President will deny killing Pope Francis and also present a whimsical musing answering the question, "But what if I did?" You will laugh, you will cry, and you will be left thinking he probably did it. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title Headline by @garbageman24)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Elon Musk To Be World's First Trilllionaire If Trump's $5,000 Baby Bonus Becomes Law @dontslowtheearth
RFK Food Coloring Ban Forces Return Of Crystal Pepsi @priehle
General Mills Introduces New Ribeye Chunks Breakfast Cereal To Align With MAHA Guidelines @thebigfreeze
Liberals Dye Hair With Banned Food Coloring @drconservativeprof
Grim Reaper Asks JD Vance For His Job Back @twoplus2ischicken
Kid Scientist Finds Broccoli Contains More Red Dye Than All Other Foods Combined @kirgol
Wise King Says We Should Divide Ukraine In Two And Give Half To NATO And Half To Russia @baberahamlincoln
Federal Judge Rules That College Of Cardinals Must Accept Vote-By-Mail Ballots For Papal Election @njhokie84
Robert F. Kennedy Jr Tackles Mother Of 3 Buying Unicorn Waffles For Her Children @fishythepenguin
Heartwarming: Aiden Wins Award For Good Behavior After RFK Jr. Bans Artificial Food Dyes @priehle
With Color Banned In Jello, Church Lady Substitutes Gin To Keep Her Jigglers Most Popular At Potluck @ruthiej714
"Theyyy're Gray" Says Tony The Tiger After RFK Bans All Cereal Colors @alola_rychu
JD Vance Drops New Book About Meeting The Pope, Titled "If I Did It" @garbageman24
Lost Beatles Song Discovered! Played Over 5 Million Times Since Jan. 30, 2024! 'Pork Chops In The Sky With Mashies' @annafillaxis
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Black Smoke Rising From Kitchen Announces Dinner Is Ready @kirgol
Liberals Panic As Orange Smoke Rises From The Vatican @iamyourgrandfather
Parents Add A Quick Exorcism To The Kids Bedtime Routine @bombtomfill
Man Who Watches "Pride And Prejudice" Every Year With Wife And Daughters Counting On Big Reward In Heaven @castlebravo
Democrats Sure To Rise In The Polls After Rebranding To "Super Ultra Edgy Rizz Woke" @baberahamlincoln
US Life Expectancy Plummets As Preservatives Removed From Food @calabrianpatriot
Thomas Tells Other Disciples He'll Have To Check Snopes.com First @baberahamlincoln
Millennial Papal Candidate Asks About The Vatican's Remote Work Policy @tylermontgomery
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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