In a major breakthrough, scientists announced last week the discovery of a new mental illness called 'evil.' Individuals tormented with this disease that often results in pain around the ankles and wrists and long bouts of incarceration have been known to commit heinous acts even though they know what they are doing is wrong or precisely because it is wrong. According to the definitive work on the subject, the illness can be traced back to the prince of darkness himself and his lies. Though it is an illness we are all born with, scientists have discovered a cure called 'repentance' leading to an eternal life free of tears, pain and death. In double blind studies, daily doses of biblical Truth were found to be the only effective treatment. Once rid of this debilitating condition, patients are transformed into beings impervious to the effects of evil until the end of time. But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @gfanson.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
God Calls His Faithful Servant Charlie Kirk Home @dontslowtheearth
Scientists Discover A New Mental Illness Called Evil @gfanson
Empty Nesters Spend Their Time Praying For The Country Their Children Inherited @kirgol
The Forum Wept @njhokie84
Not Satire: People Need Jesus @gwen42
Dad Calms Daughter During Driving Lesson, Assures It's Just A Learning Curb @ruthiej714
RFK Jr. Releases Astonishing Report: Oversized Glasses Frames Found To Cause Insufferable Lunacy @annafillaxis
Research Suggests Venomous Humans Develop Bright Colors To Warn Others From Approaching They/Them @coachjoeconway
Evil Villains From Stephen King's Novels Distance Themselves From Author @thebigfreeze
Charlie Officially Tops Captain As "Best Kirk" @alola_rychu
Today, We Are All Charlie Kirk @mathyousee
Conservatives Skip Burning Down Cities, Instead Express Outrage By Hugging Their Children @priehle
Cities Board Up Windows As Conservatives Hold Mostly Peaceful Protests @twoplus2ischicken
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Man Unsure If He's Depressed Or Just Needs More Coffee @middleaged_machinist
Bill Belichick's Girlfriend Accused Of Robbing The Grave @franky_t
Abraham Asks If God Would Spare Reddit If Even 10 Righteous Users Are Found @jbaker
Satan Embarrassed His Servants Forget To Conceal Their Glee @jmoconnor9301
House Democrats Call For Moment Of Silence For Those Fired For Celebrating Charlie Kirk Murder @slinky
Great Britain Holds Moment Of Silence For Charlie Kirk Followed By Mass Arrests For Silently Praying @dontslowtheearth
Pharisees Pretty Sure Once Jesus Is Dead, The Whole Movement Will Just Stop @confusedant
CNN: Local Assassin Safe And Unharmed After Exposure To Charlie Kirk's Words @baberahamlincoln
Utah Sets Electric Chair To Preheat @westland619
Terrorists Ask Public To ‘Tone Down' Rhetoric Before They Kill Someone Else @jswag
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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