Well folks, the Trump administration is offering a great deal! If you or a loved one were responsible for creating or spreading the Russia Collusion Hoax and fear you may go to jail for a very long time, just log on to the new 'Self-Imprisonment App' to sign up for prison with a somewhat reduced sentence. Log in now to get the best deals that won't last long! (Offer valid while supplies last. Results may vary. Void where prohibited by law. Call your doctor if prison lasts longer than 50 years.) But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (title headline by @ruthiej714)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Hulk Hogan Gently Told To Stop Tearing Heavenly Robes @thebigfreeze
Federal Reserve Blames Their Rising Renovation Costs On High Interest Rates @dontslowtheearth
Orange Obama Bad @ruthiej714
Blackhawk Down 2 To Be Filmed In Minneapolis @drconservativeprof
Family In Need Of Vacation After Getting Ready For Vacation @kirgol
As The Flood Receded, Noah Sent Out A Dove That Returned With A Dollar General Receipt @lpathehuman
Theologians Believe Golden Calf Was Inscribed With 'Eat Mor Chikin' @middleaged_machinist
Jesus Heals Man Too Blind To See Wife Got Her Hair Cut @batknight
WHO Chief Says United States Won't Be Invited To Next Pandemic @gfanson
Trump To Obama: "I'll Get You A Beautiful Jail Cell That Faces Toward Mecca…" @coachjoeconway
Clearblue Pregnancy Tests Will Now Detect If Your Baby Is Calvinist Or Arminian @twoplus2ischicken
Third World Populations Explode Due To Trump Immigration Policies @annafillaxis
Spectroscopy Confirms Local Son Is 94% Chicken Nuggets @littlejedi
Hunter Biden Now Teaching Chemistry At Harvard @libshateamerica
Ellen DeGeneris Moves To The U.K. To Live Under A King In Order To Prove That She Believes In No Kings @slateslabrock
Demons Beg Jesus To Cast Them Out Of Jasmine Crockett @swanhilde
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Mamdani Campaign Promises Bread Lines Will Have Gluten Free Option @dontslowtheearth
County Fair Judge Blocks Trump's Latest Executive Order @kirgol
DNI Creates ‘Self-Imprisonment App' Offering Lessor Sentences For Russia Hoax Perps Who Turn Themselves In @ruthiej714
Biden Tells CNN, 'Old Margaret Thatcher Still Looks Pretty Hot' @bbarton713
Obama Says It's Racist To Expect A Black President To Not Commit Crimes @baberahamlincoln
Child Asks Dad If God Could Make A Curb So Obvious That Even Mom Wouldn't Back Into It @leecory
Doctors Now Worried Children Not Getting Enough Red Dye #40 @twoplus2ischicken
In Argument Winning Move, Husband Reminds Wife She Should Be Submitting To Him @dc2020
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
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