The year 2026 is off to a great start with Maduro captured in Venezuela and the closure of many wonderful daycare centers in Minneapolis, like the famous "Ilhan's Super Good Daycare." The center was reportedly open every third Tuesday of the month for fifteen minutes, providing much needed quality childcare for the impoverished Somali community. Ilhan Omar had once driven by the empty storefront building and waved, bringing much joy to her constituents. Insiders report the 15 million dollars of state funds used to finance the daycare was first sent to Ilhan's campaign, as is the Somali custom, so she could be reelected to vote for more funding for Minnesota. Though the daycare has been shuttered, Ilhan has vowed to provide new income streams from the taxpayers to the Democrat politicians of Minnesota, as the "Land of 10,000 Lakes" deserves only the best Somali representation.
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @gfanson.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
To Verify You Are Somalian, Click All Empty Buildings With Childcare Centers @annafillaxis
Thousands Of Somalis Line Up To Claim $50M Reward For Capture Of Nicholas Maduro @dontslowtheearth
Trump Has Now Renamed California's San Andreas Fault To Joe Biden's Fault @njhokie84
‘Ilhan's Super Good Daycare' Suddenly Closes Doors In Minneapolis @gfanson
Evil Inaugurated In NYC @murf
Somalis Off The Hook After Investigation Reveals Sign Guy Went To Public School @kirgol
Embarrassing: Mary And Joseph Still Writing BC On Their Checks @baberahamlincoln
Convicted Sex Offender Rents Home Near Somalian Daycare Since He Isn't Allowed Within 500 Feet Of Children @lpathehuman
Maduro Taken From One Communist Hell Hole And Placed In Another @thebigfreeze
Local Man With Resolution To Lounge, Snooze, Snack More In 2025 Feeling Pretty Smug Now @ruthiej714
Marco Rubio Announced As President Of Venezuela @twoplus2ischicken
Hunter Biden Opens Somalian Learing Center In Delaware To Address 15M Debt Woes @carolyn1
President Of Cuba Decides To Sleep With The Night Light On In His Bedroom Tonight @slateslabrock
Minneapolis Police Release Footage Of Suspect In Daycare Break-in: Kool-Aid Man @alola_rychu
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
Prodigal Son Loses Inheritance To Somali Scammers @twoplus2ischicken
US Treasury To Pay Down National Debt By Starting A Minneapolis Day Care Center @calabrianpatriot
CEO Credits Success To Just Responding 'Sounds Good' To Every Email For The Past 30 Years @markjshady
Calvinist Preordained From The Foundation Of The World To Lose Game Of Candyland @lpathehuman
Tim Walz Calls Joe Biden Asking If He Has Any More Of Those Pardon Thingys Left @halfdoubledecaffeina
Hunter Biden Quietly Unfriends Maduro On Facebook @westland619
New York Billionaires Make Preparations For Socialist Distancing @lmm1416
New Yorker Wakes Up With Huge Hangover And A Communist Mayor @carlcamera
Man Times His New Years Celebration Perfectly With The Destruction Of The One Ring @farnorth
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
New Research Shows Paul's "Happy New Year" Letter To Church Of Laodacia Didn't Hit Like He Hoped @mrhero
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments below.
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