Newly unsealed court documents revealed that the key to Special Counsel Jack Smith's 'Arctic Frost' special op against congressional Republicans was a network of stuffed elves sitting on shelves in homes throughout DC. The popular 'Elf on the Shelf' dolls were coopted by Smith to report all activities in the homes of top Republican lawmakers in an effort to find some sort of connection to the FBI agents who instigated the January 6th Capitol riot. The elves reportedly played a key role in the Biden administration's effort to 'do whatever it takes' to blame Republicans in congress for something... anything really. Unfortunately for Smith, after millions of hours of surveillance, the elves were only able to confirm what everyone already knew: Republicans are boring. At press time, President Trump had deported the compromised shelf elves back to the North Pole.
But that's not all that happened last week!
Read on for exclusive headlines you will only see here on the Bee Forum News, because Bee subscribers see things no one else sees and say things no one else is brave enough to say, for some reason. (Title headline by @slayinggiants.)
Top Headlines of the Week - headlines with the most upvotes by forum members:
Trump Returns Ilhan Omar To Country Of Origin In Garbage Truck @annafillaxis
Pete Hegseth Promises He'll Just Shoot Survivors In The Leg From Now On @gfanson
Ilhan Omar Offers To Marry Any Relative Facing Deportation Order @dontslowtheearth
Help Is On Its Way As Greta Thunberg Races Towards Venezuela In Speedboat @tamerity
Notorious Pipe Bomber, Mario, No Longer A Suspect @thebigfreeze
Lesbian Couple Starves After Neither Can Decide Where To Eat @baberahamlincoln
Iceberg Criticized For Striking The Titanic A Second Time After It Was Already Sinking @ironsakura
Mike Lindell Files Paperwork For MyGovernor Campaign In Minnesota @ruthiej714
First Annual Amish VS Orthodox Jew Soccer Match Cancelled As Referee Cannot Tell The Teams Apart @njhokie84
Streetlight Announces Plan To Run Against Tim Walz For Governor Of Minnesota @alola_rychu
Tim Walz Dusting Off Knucklehead Defense For Recent Accusations @middleaged_machinist
Don't Blame The Entire Somali Community For Bad Deeds Of The Entire Somali Community @amirfauda
No One Notices Tim Walz Replaced By Inflatable Air Dancer @twoplus2ischicken
Sometimes, really great headlines don't make it to the top so here are some of my favorites:
12-Foot Pilgrim Skeleton In Local Yard Now 12-Foot Angel In Nativity Scene @Israel
CDC Study Reveals High Autism Rates Were Just Due To Minnesota Somalis This Whole Time @martinluther
'Are You Sure You Want A Toy Train, And Not An End To The Fed?' Libertarian Santa Asks Local Child @davidjohnson
Smart: People Of Bethlehem Finally Shut Up Little Drummer Boy By Locking Him In Drum Cage @batknight
Liberal Woman Invites Friends To Her Clump Of Cells Shower @baberahamlincoln
Family Switches From Paying Mortgage To Squatting In Home To Save Money @Israel
Newly Unsealed Court Documents Reveal Biden Authorized Elf On The Shelf To Spy On Political Opponents @slayinggiants
Candace Owens Tells Room Full Of Kindergarteners That Santa Killed Charlie Kirk @lpathehuman
BONUS - One randomly selected headline:
Do you have breaking news to report? Join us! Who knows, your headline might get published or featured on the Babylon Bee homepage, or it could show up here in our re-cap of the top headlines of the week. Thousands more totally true headlines were posted this week on the forum, but sadly, only Bee subscribers can read them. You did get to read a few, though, so if you have a favorite, please let us know in the comments!
P.S. Now check out our latest video 👇
